*What is the most important aspect of your life and why?

Family

Without a doubt I can say that family is the most important aspect of my life. Family includes so much in my mind:
My husband, my children, my grandchildren, my mother, my brother, aunts/uncles, my husband's family, spouses, significant others of all of the above, my church family, and often others that have meant a lot to me over the years.

Family:

relationships
love
interactions
arguments
disagreements
kin

I am sure that I cannot even begin to describe the reason for this but family is very important to me. Family sends me running for cover quicker than you can say boo but family rescues me daily from becoming that self-centered person that lurks right underneath my skin. Family keeps me sane while slowly driving me to a personal crazy place. Family gives me hope and peace and security and love and security and friendship and comfort. With family, I have a sense of belonging and being that fills my soul with an indescribable wonder that these people know the "real me" and still want to hang around me. I am fully myself while being around them and they accept that person without qualms but often including critical comments that are hard to hear but sometimes necessary.

Family is everything
Family is always
Family is important

Think of a loved one that you have lost. If you could ask this person one question, what would you ask, and what do you think they would say?

Think of a loved one that you have lost. If you could ask this person one question, what would you ask, and what do you think they would say?

I would love to have one last conversation with my mother in law, Alina Stella Cuadra and with my father Earle E. Sims. I miss them both tremendously and wish they could know how much I really cared about them.

My father was a quiet man at home, but knew no stranger. My mother in law was rarely quiet but she also knew no strangers. They both could pull conversations out of complete strangers and leave that person thinking they were their best friend.

Dad has been gone the longest. I would love to ask him what he thinks about my family. I could only hope that he is proud. He last saw my kids when they were 5, 3, and 1. They are now almost 29, almost 27, and 24.5 years old. He would be a great grandfather of two at this point.

Then we have my mother in law. I would love to know more about her when she was young. She tended to be reluctant to talk about her younger, wilder days. I would love to know everything she saw and more about the men she loved. I would love to know how it was growing up in Nicaragua and her stories of moving to the U.S. I would love to know how she let all her children know how much she loved them. I would love to just talk with her again.

Happy 80th birthday mom. I wish you were here so we could celebrate it together one more time. Your children miss you desperately. Your family continues to grow and grow furthering the Cuadra legacy. We love you and send you hugs and kisses and all of our hearts!!

I am flippin tired!!

This is not one of the journaling prompts for tonight but it does go along with my one little word for 2011.

Today was an odd day at work that for some reason really tired me out. Then I went to Zumba tonight, twice. I already hurt since I haven't used my Zumba muscles for at least 2 weeks.

How is this all related to my word: live?

I chose to do today rather than sitting on my duff. I still have a report to type and send before Friday but I find myself too tired to do it. Tomorrow I will...

Now I think I shall hit the sack after a nice hot shower or maybe a bubble bath.

*Over the past week, I made someone smile when I...

I am enjoying these prompts that I've been using for this journaling challenge.

I immediately thought of my grandsons when I read the prompt. I went to their house tonight. Both are feeling punky today due to Aaron getting his 2 month shots and Jason getting in his two year molars.

First I was talking to Aaron and got him to stop crying. Then he started to talk to me, and finally I saw the smile. His smiles really make my day.

Second, Jason woke up from his nap and he was glued to his daddy's side. He would just randomly cry, wouldn't drink his water, and would not say hey or hi to Nana. Then his mom came home with some pizza and I was able to convince him to go to the table. Then I poured some ranch dressing on his plate which he calls deeeep (for dip) and he began eating after. I finally saw a smile from him when I was playing with him while he took his bath. He handed me his water flutes and put them into my mouth to blow. Then he would smile really big!

Seriously: it is a really good day when I get to see their smiles!!!

One little word: Live 2011 1/2/11

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.
Albert Einstein

Live for today...something to reflect and goes along with my word for 2011. I can live for today in many different ways but today I choose to be involved. I will not withdraw and go into myself. I will search ways to be active with others. I will stay involved in each moment and make memories to help guide me so that I can be hopeful for the future.

MAC-Nana's Spirituality

I guess I would call my spirituality neglected right now. I attend church regularly, am on the vestry of said church, am on the pastoral care committee, and take communion to shut ins. However, there is a part of me that has neglected this aspect of my life.

I am simple with my spirituality though. I tend to believe easily and have faith in odd places. I also have the tendency to be contradictory in terms of faith as well.

Spirituality is a ingrained part of who I am. I firmly believe what I believe but I do not have to be right with my beliefs. I will not argue religion with anyone and can accept spiritual aspects of people that are often overlooked. I can neglect this side of me, but often find it nurtured in ways I never expected. I am a creature of habit and love the Episcopal Church for its liturgy, but also love the mystery that goes with my faith. I can be peaceful but sometimes I get caught up in the things that I cannot control forgetting that life is not about control.

I love the Lord and cannot even begin to describe what that means to me exactly. I am comfortable in the idea that there is a deity that cares about us an individuals but also expects us to care about others. I attempt to live a life that works towards being a caring person to others. I can be hypocritical and do not like that part of myself. In other words, spirituality is a part of me that is just as much of who I am as the color of my hair and eyes, as well as personality. I cannot imagine life without this side.

One little word: LIVE 2011

Something I have found online is the practice to come up with a word to focus upon for a new year. I have chosen "live" as in "Living" "Life" or as the synonyms: " alive, animate, aware, breathing, conscious, living, vital."

My goal for 2011 is to be alive, breathing, living, vital, alive, aware, animate(d), conscious, and vital!

I chose this because I find myself withdrawing from life, from love, from friends, from living. I want to be involved and active again. You see those two little boys above? They are my life. I want to be more involved in my marriage and family and work and fun and exercise and life.

So 2011 will be the year I live: no excuses, no denying, just living.

10 memories from 2010

Prelude: I am participating in a challenge to journal daily from prompts offered on a website that I regularly visit. Here is the post for the first prompt: http://www.twopeasinabucket.com/mb.asp?cmd=display&thread_id=3055672 I decided to go with Ten memories from the past year. I had actually typed them out in short hand before this prompt was posted, so I am just going to embellish the memories. These 10 are not in any particular order...

1) Aaron James Cuadra was born on October 12, 2010.
I was holding out for 10/10/10, his actual due date, but he needed just a bit of encouragement to make his appearance by inducing labor. I did not know that my heart could love so completely again so soon. He is so different from Jason my first grandson, but my heart is won all over again. Like the old saying goes, "If I had known grandchildren would have been so much fun (and rewarding), I would have had them first!"


2) Paying off bills and becoming debt free.
This is a bittersweet memory because becoming debt free only occurred because Paco was unemployed. He was laid off from Dow with 12/31/2009 being his last day of work. He got a severance package which allowed us to pay off all our debts for the first time ever in our marriage. Having no debt was a blessing because Paco's income from Unemployment was only 1/3 of his salary before being unemployed. We were even able to save some money, help mom, and stay debt free the whole year.

3) Moving mom to our state.
We were finally able to get mom from NC to WV. We spent the whole first half of the year packing, decluttering, giving away, and sharing with the family 60+ years of Mom's possessions and memories. Then we moved her to our home in July. Then into her own apartment (one bedroom after having a 3 bedroom double trailer for over 20 years. It was hard work, but very rewarding. I only wish her house would sell.


4) Transferring to the very job I applied for in 2007.
I applied for a position through Prestera in 2007 but did not get the job. The counselor that took that position retired with 8/20/10 as her last day. I started the job on 8/30/10. I am now based in SAHS and go to MMS, HMS, and BF every week. This has been a big change that is still requiring an adjustment on my part.

5) Making it financially despite DH being unemployed.
This goes along with #3. We were even able to tithe Paco's Unemployment benefits. I learned a lot about trusting in God with this.

6) Trip to beach: DH and I alone.
I surprised Paco with a trip to Ocean Isle Beach over the 4th of July weekend. He had been upset that I took off to the beach without him for an afternoon, but he did not know that I was scoping out where to go off together. This trip taught me that I need to work more on our marriage.

7) Watching fireworks on the coast of NC and seeing at least a dozen sets of them.
While at the beach, we stood on the pier and was able to see fireworks all up and down the coast. It was awesome to watch. We also saw a baby shark that someone caught while fishing off the pier. I SWAM in the same waters as that shark. Needless to say, I enjoyed being at the pool more.

8) Spending mother's day with the extended family.
Mari-Ana's family was in. It was great to see everyone, spend time with everyone, and Griffin was so proud to participate in his first Holy Communion.

9) Having most of my family close by.
I totally miss having Philip here, but I have Daniel, his family, Alina, and now mom all close by. Our impromptu get togethers are lots of fun. I am so happy to be near my first two grandsons.

10) The realization that marriage does not get easier with time.
I am not really ready to expand this thought at this time.